Terrible Twos

By Perfectly Happy Mum, on June 8th, 2009

Definition:

To hit the terrible twos: to hit head against wall because toddler decide to not cooperate in crucial moments such as when crossing the road. To scream at the top of one’s head because one’s child decide to play hide and seek in clothes rails in shops and won’t listen when being called once, twice, twenty times. To loose one’s marbles when toddler laughs at one’s face when being told off.

It can go further than this I promise you!

Elliott is driving us mad! No later than 3 or 4 weeks ago I thought to myself that we were quite lucky since he seemed to go through a mild phase of terrible twos. Now you see I am quite good with tantrums, I find it pretty easy to ignore them. Quite often I might be walking around him while he is rolling around on the floor, acting as if he wasn’t there. I think that’s why he never has long tantrums. They stop very quickly and most of the time don’t even start when distraction is offered really quickly. So I thought it is not that hard. This was until I discovered attitude, eyes rolling around and acting as if I wasn’t there at all. You know that kind of look that says ”that voice shouting at me, I wonder where it is coming from…” I just cannot cope with this, I hate being ignored!

No later than today we have spent a whole shopping trip taking things from his hands and putting them back on the shelves, while he would run away and touch something else. This whole shopping trip was constant stress and even if he was tied up to his pushchair (when it was too much to cope with) because then you would get the “let me out!” malarchy.

So I think that this is it, we are in the terrible 2′s!

Now I read somewhere that Terrible Twos start as early as 9 months and can last until their forth birthday! Can we cope this long? Can we (the parent) get out of this phase without physical or psychological damage?!

Along with all the advice given to get through this phase here is what was recommended:

Try and stay positive (How?)… this is just a phase (Thank God for that!) and it is as hard for your child as it is for you (yeah right). Try to focus on the positive behaviour and enjoy your toddler as much as possible (ok I agree). When it all gets too much (leave the house), have a little book that you could call “Your naughty moments” and write about his tantrums. First it will help you see that it is not that bad, then you will be able to read them with him later, and hopefully both of you will have a great laugh! (NOT THAT BAD?! Who are they fooling?!!! It is bloody hard!)

If you are really down one day, because it seems that the day has been a long battle (and you just want to give up), take time off just for yourself when your partner comes home. If you are single or without the help of your partner on hand (you are my hero), maybe ask a friend or family (or people you really hate) to look after the children for at least a couple of hours. It will give you some time on your own (to reflect on what you have done in your past life to deserve this). Use that time to do something positive for you, that you enjoy doing (shopping with husband’s credit card). It can be anything as long as you are having fun and you are feeling relaxed (with hubby’s credit card you bet we will be having fun!).

And last is my personal suggestion: if none of this work, try Meditation… mediTAtion I said not mediCAtion!

Ok now I am waiting for good, juicy, laugh out loud Terrible Twos stories! Over to you…

Perfectly Happy Mum

@Potty Mummy thanks a lot for this. I have been trying the naughty chair and it does work most of the time, so thank you. I don't know why for some reason I thought he was too young to grasp the concept.
@Modernmom Chocolate! that's one I hadn't thought off! he loves it, so some bribery never hurt anyone did it?! Thanks for that, and I didn't know there was a say for when they turn 3... is there some more scary ones for the year to come? In French we only have 7 the age of wisdom... anyone with 7 year olds who can confirm? I need some hope to cling on to! :)
Thanks for reading my blog and enjoying it! I return the compliment and started following you.
ModernMom

Oh I remember those days. We managed to skip the terrible twos but landed with a thump in the Trying Three's. Let's just warn you that plastic craft scissors can indeed cut your dear ones hair. Sigh. Hang in there and remember chocolate always helps!
Love your blog!
Potty Mummy

Can't remember which of your commenters said to feed them, but I must say that both of my boys are much nicer after breakfast / lunch / dinner than they are before. Other than that, I can only offer consistency as a weapon. Decide on your tool of discipline and stick to it. Ours is a naughty chair in a quiet corner - they culprit has to sit on it for the same number of minutes as they have years.
And a chair is better than a naughty step because you can ALWAYS find a chair, wherever you are, and the child knows it. I simply have to say 'do you think they have a naughty chair here?' to get at least some calmdown in behaviour. It won't turn my 3 year old into an angel, but it does improve his behaviour and get his attention - at least for a little while.
One thing though; the first few times you use this, best be at home as they WILL climb off and you will have to keep taking them back to the chair and starting from scratch until they get the message. It does mean that your 3 minute punishment might take 30 minutes to achieve, but eventually they get the message (and whilst it may seem like just sitting on a chair to you or I, to a toddler it's hell), and you can use it pretty much anywhere...
Best of luck!
Perfectly Happy Mum

@Met Mum, Ah ah, sorry I have to laugh but here's the exact conversation I had with Craig earlier:
Do you remember when Elliott was a baby and we used to see these very badly behaved toddlers? We use to think, ah we are so lucky E is such a good boy, I am sure he will be lovely...
Yes, he is lovely lets say 80% of the time, the rest of the time well you read the post... :)
@Clareybabble I know what you mean! Victor is only 11 months and already having an opinion! Sounds like we are going to have fun... :)
clareybabble

Baby B, 10 mths old, has already started having mini tantrums! Complete opposite to her brother although he has started with the attitude lately! Hopefully it will get better for us...
Metropolitan Mum

Of course, once we get there, little L will behave just like a little angel, no tantrums, no dramas. Otherwise, I will reconsider the smelly nursery ;-)
Looking forward to see you and the gang next Sunday!
xo MM
Perfectly Happy Mum

@Tasha Oh no! I am sure Emily from MaternalTales told me that she had the same thing happening when she left me comments! I have to investigate it further. Thanks a lot for the tip and you know what I knew that one already. I learnt it when I used to work in children holiday camp and we had 20 wild children full of sea breeze and excitement. Why didn't I remember it?! It is always the same, your principles are always thrown out of the window when it comes to your own flesh and blood... I saw your last post but haven't had the chance to read it properly yet. Now that the kids are in bed I might grab a nice cup of tea (ran out of wine) and will have a proper read. Thank you!
@Irish Mammy that's the problem will I be able to cope another 16 years without Prozac?! :)
@That girl Merlot! I love this idea, I might have a bath of Merlot in my very bad days... Great tip and maybe best so far :)
Thatgirl

Oh what to say?? Apart from turn to a large glass of Merlot at the end of the day? I remember thinking that my girl didn't really go through it at two but then we looked back at some video footage of her at 18 months recently and she had quite a stroppiness about her even then! And at the age of four I am now getting the teenage eye rolling thing and as for the selective hearing.. don't even go there! But, as I'm sure you know, they just do that one cute thing five minutes later and all the bad stuff gets forgotten. If not... as I said.... Merlot!
Irish Mammy

My little two year old started his tantrums (refusing to walk - lying, screaming kicking his feet on the floor) at 18 months! I was told then that he is starting his terrible 2's early on. We have had several screaming moments and refusing to walk when out shopping (or worse still running the opposite direction from his pregnant mother). I found though that the older he gets the more concentration he has and the easier to rationalise with him. His tantrums are worse when he is tired, hungry or doesn't get his own way... look at it this way - just another 16 years to go (!)
Coding Mamma (Tasha)

OK. I wrote a huge long reply and it's disappeared. I'm sure I saw it posted. Gah! Can't remember everything I wrote, but go look at my latest post, might some find useful stuff there.
Oh, one thing I do remember saying was a useful tactic I have for the ignoring is to quieter, rather than louder. If I whisper 'Rosemary?' she's far morel likely to respond than if I shout 'Rosemary!'. Odd, I know, but seems to work at least 90% of the time. (I adapted it from something Chris used to do when he was a teacher. When the class was getting louder and louder, instead of shouting louder and louder himself, he would talk quieter and quieter and they would, in turn, quieten down so they could hear what he was saying.)
Anyway, I had lots of really useful advice in the post that has disappeared. Grr.
Perfectly Happy Mum

@Rosie I will be happy to swap kids for a weekend. Like I said I can do tantrums easy peasy :)
@Dan I am not even going to pay attention to what you've just said! :)
Dan

Hate to break it to you, but I found three far worse with my eldest daughter.
Sorry :)
Rosie Scribble

Sounds draining! My daughter didn't have the terrible twos so I've been lucky. She threw a few tantrums aged 4. Now aged 5 she can also through teenage tantrums. I think my time is yet to come. But it will come!

Terrible Twos

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