When the lovely Cartside at “Mummy Do that!” talked about putting together a carnival on bilingualism, it was without thinking that I told her to count me in.
Funny enough it was and still is, very difficult to get my head round it and try to explain the world we live in, in this household.
The lack of concentration and brain could also be coming from my mother who is, as I type, vacuuming around me, moving my legs up and asking me to step aside. And to top it up would she stop talking and asking questions? Of course NOT, my mum speaks in her sleep. When she doesn’t speak we should call the emergencies and make sure the air ambulance gets here QUICK!! Anyway I digress…
Bilingualism in this house exists for sure… the right type of bilingualism I am not sure…
A typical conversation would be something like this:
Let’s take breakfast for example:
Elliott: Maman, mayiaave cheereals please (mummy may I have cereals please? and note how polite this little boys is. I obviously won’t tell you that half the time it is more something like “cheereals NOW! waaawwaaaa!” He always is in a bad mood in the morning, a bit like me, anyway I digress again…)
Me: Tiens tes cereales et qu’est ce qu’on dit? (here you go and what do you say?)
Elliott: Merci (you all know what it means)
Me: Good boy!
A bit later
Me: tu veux boire du lait? (would you like some milk?)
Elliott: yes, du lait, please
Still a bit later
Me: we are going to get dressed, depeche toi (hurry up). Walk up the stairs properly, on ne joue pas sur les escaliers! I’ve just said we don’t play ON THE STAIRS!!!
You get the picture don’t you? So how did we get to this?
When I became pregnant with Elliott, I had a vision of the time I would be singing French lullabies to my baby. I vowed to only speak French to him. Sometime I would catch a conversation between a foreign mother and her children and I would look in awe if they spoke her mother tongue and would despise her if I heard her speak English to her kids. What a shame it was that she wouldn’t make full use of her skills to transmit them to her own children?! I would definitely NOT do that!
Then Elliott was born… Then there was that baby who wouldn’t talk to me. And Craig was around all the time and we would speak English together and we would speak English to Elliott. So we got used to it. Then when Craig returned to work and I was left on my own, it was almost as if something inside of me was laughing at me every time I attempted to speak French to my baby… Almost like something saying “look at you, you stupid woman, the kid doesn’t speak French, do you think he gets you?!”
I tried to reject that little voice and learnt to speak French to him when we were on our own and English when Craig was home. But I started attending event like rhyme time on a weekly basis. I learnt English nursery rhymes and couldn’t remember any French ones apart from Au clair de la Lune… I felt ashamed for not knowing my own nursery rhymes but to be fair, it was quite a while since the last time someone sang them to me (apart from that one friend who tried to do a rap version of Freres Jacques on a drunken night… not quite the same really).
And then there was our friends… they are all “not French”. They are either English or from other countries. So it makes it difficult to speak French to the boys when I am having conversations in English, because:
a) this is rude when other people don’t know what you are talking about and they might think you are saying things like “our guests have got smelly feet” or something like that. I swear though, I have never said anything like that!
b) my brain is not that sophisticated and I freak when I have to spend days translating what is going on or alternate between the 2 languages. I end up speaking English to the French and French to the English! Not good and quite confusing…
But there is also Super Nanny… Super Nanny is brilliant in every way, but she doesn’t speak French… So Elliott learnt more and more English when I returned to work. His first words were English. It became dangerous to try commands such as “stop running” or “don’t cross the road” in French, as these are the sort of things you say in the spur of the moment and you can’t really take the time to translate and explain. So there you go another reason to NOT speak French…
So yes I am one of these mums that I used to despise. I am one of these mums who will never transmit properly her mother tongue to her children (that would hurt anyway… he he I am soooo funny sometimes!!). So I have made the decision that from next year we will be spending at least 4 weeks every summer at my mums. The boys will have to learn French to survive and thrown in the deep end they will have no choice! This is my method, we are going to do it the harsh way.
In France they have those brilliant summer kids clubs that costs one hour childcare in the UK for the day. Their French vocabulary will be revolving around horse riding, fencing, pottery making, swimming… I used to love these clubs! And you know what’s the best out of this? While they are at the clubs from 9 to 5 everyday, I will be lying by the pool, eating, reading, meditating, over indulging… BRING IT ON BABY, this is the way they will learn Francais!
Hi I am Peggy, the author of Perfectly Happy Mum!
Your solution sounds perfect – especially the bit where you get to relax loads. I was once engaged to a guy who was half French, half English. His mum never spoke French to him, because she hated France and her life there. But after a while she made up with her family and they would go for a few weeks holidays in the summer. He picked it up. Wasn’t exactly fluent, but was certainly better than your average A Level student.
I mix up my languages all the time. I always used to tell Rosemary off in French, for some reason. (Excuse the incorrect endings that may follow – my grammar is pants.) Touches-pas! Pas dans la bouche! Ca suffit! Vite-vite! We would count in Spanish a lot, and she still does that. I would read French books and Spanish books to her. Occasionally I would even throw in a bit of Esperanto (my mum speaks Esperanto with her). Bah. She’s just now starting to show an interest in other languages and asking me how to say something in French, or (the best bit – because that’s how babies learn), talking nonsense in a French accent. For the last year, she has refused to be read any stories in French (or Spanish), but does let my mum read her stories in Esperanto. Going to France I think helped, because it put it in context. She was bowled over by shopkeepers’ reactions when she said ‘Merci’. She can say Mont Saint Michel better than me. I think there’s still plenty of chance for her, but I’m never going to be able to speak in one language all the time (especially if it’s not my mother tongue).
My inclination is that she will pick up languages much more easier than many of her peers, but she’s probably not going to manage bilingual unless we move abroad. So, that’s fine.
I completely understand your difficulties with speaking just French to the boys when Craig is there. I honestly don’t know how people following OPOL manage it. It was confuse the heck out of me. I think in one language or the other, and switching between the two is really difficult.
Anyway, good luck. If they get to have 4-week holidays in France every year, they will be very lucky and I’m sure they will do fine.
Your solution sounds perfect – especially the bit where you get to relax loads. I was once engaged to a guy who was half French, half English. His mum never spoke French to him, because she hated France and her life there. But after a while she made up with her family and they would go for a few weeks holidays in the summer. He picked it up. Wasn’t exactly fluent, but was certainly better than your average A Level student.
I mix up my languages all the time. I always used to tell Rosemary off in French, for some reason. (Excuse the incorrect endings that may follow – my grammar is pants.) Touches-pas! Pas dans la bouche! Ca suffit! Vite-vite! We would count in Spanish a lot, and she still does that. I would read French books and Spanish books to her. Occasionally I would even throw in a bit of Esperanto (my mum speaks Esperanto with her). Bah. She’s just now starting to show an interest in other languages and asking me how to say something in French, or (the best bit – because that’s how babies learn), talking nonsense in a French accent. For the last year, she has refused to be read any stories in French (or Spanish), but does let my mum read her stories in Esperanto. Going to France I think helped, because it put it in context. She was bowled over by shopkeepers’ reactions when she said ‘Merci’. She can say Mont Saint Michel better than me. I think there’s still plenty of chance for her, but I’m never going to be able to speak in one language all the time (especially if it’s not my mother tongue).
My inclination is that she will pick up languages much more easier than many of her peers, but she’s probably not going to manage bilingual unless we move abroad. So, that’s fine.
I completely understand your difficulties with speaking just French to the boys when Craig is there. I honestly don’t know how people following OPOL manage it. It was confuse the heck out of me. I think in one language or the other, and switching between the two is really difficult.
Anyway, good luck. If they get to have 4-week holidays in France every year, they will be very lucky and I’m sure they will do fine.
Hi Peggy, I recognised myself in your comments here. Only yesterday did my little man announce proudly that he “wants to learn ALL his French ( they do a bit of it at school) so he can talk to Grandma ( my mother) properly!”. At 6 1/2, he realised during our week long stay that it might be usefull. He had not been bothered in the past. My hard work starts now…
Hi Peggy, I recognised myself in your comments here. Only yesterday did my little man announce proudly that he “wants to learn ALL his French ( they do a bit of it at school) so he can talk to Grandma ( my mother) properly!”. At 6 1/2, he realised during our week long stay that it might be usefull. He had not been bothered in the past. My hard work starts now…
Wow. I have enough to contend with teaching them everything I can without adding a language. Good luck!
Wow. I have enough to contend with teaching them everything I can without adding a language. Good luck!
At home, we only speak German. I think this makes it easier for a child to adapt. Although, I have to say, our German is getting worse and worse. I am incorporating way to much English and my husband is a Swedish dyslectic. Do I have to say more?
Funnily, none of us holds a German passport. But that’s a completely different story…
At home, we only speak German. I think this makes it easier for a child to adapt. Although, I have to say, our German is getting worse and worse. I am incorporating way to much English and my husband is a Swedish dyslectic. Do I have to say more?
Funnily, none of us holds a German passport. But that’s a completely different story…
I’m also participating on the carnival of Cartside at “Mummy Do that!”. I’m finding very interesting to see how other families raise their bilingual children.
At home I only speak in Portuguese and hubby in English. The kids speak fluently in both languages now, but the older one ( nearly five) prefers talking in English. I will keep persisting on the Portuguese though as it’s important that they can communicate with our family in Brazil.
I think you’re doing the right thing Peggy.
Ju
I’m also participating on the carnival of Cartside at “Mummy Do that!”. I’m finding very interesting to see how other families raise their bilingual children.
At home I only speak in Portuguese and hubby in English. The kids speak fluently in both languages now, but the older one ( nearly five) prefers talking in English. I will keep persisting on the Portuguese though as it’s important that they can communicate with our family in Brazil.
I think you’re doing the right thing Peggy.
Ju
Sounds like hard work! I’m glad I don’t have this dilemma although I would love my children to speak another language (I know some German but that’s all). The four week holiday sounds like a great solution as you get a break too!
Sounds like hard work! I’m glad I don’t have this dilemma although I would love my children to speak another language (I know some German but that’s all). The four week holiday sounds like a great solution as you get a break too!
Keep at it
We’re OPOL as much as is practical, and I also can’t understand how anyone can really follow through all the time.
Oh, I’m also participating in the carnival, and it’s nice to come across so many others who are also wriggling their way through this whole bilingualism thing.
Keep at it
We’re OPOL as much as is practical, and I also can’t understand how anyone can really follow through all the time.
Oh, I’m also participating in the carnival, and it’s nice to come across so many others who are also wriggling their way through this whole bilingualism thing.
Thanks for sharing this experience. This all sounds very familiar, and probably the direction we are headed too. (My husband, German, and me, French, are raising our kid in the US). He is only 19-month old, so the big test will come later. But I aready know that it’s hard to just stick to speaking in French with him, when he has already learned all the basic functions in English from daycare (like “more”, “sit”, etc…) Such a temptation to take advantage of the little he knows to help with communication. But it will probably end up confusing him more.
I am still crossing my fingers, noticing that his French vocabulary is increasing, slowly. He just learned “encore” and knows to use it with me instead of “more”. One step at a time.
I look forward to more articles about the subject. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks for sharing this experience. This all sounds very familiar, and probably the direction we are headed too. (My husband, German, and me, French, are raising our kid in the US). He is only 19-month old, so the big test will come later. But I aready know that it’s hard to just stick to speaking in French with him, when he has already learned all the basic functions in English from daycare (like “more”, “sit”, etc…) Such a temptation to take advantage of the little he knows to help with communication. But it will probably end up confusing him more.
I am still crossing my fingers, noticing that his French vocabulary is increasing, slowly. He just learned “encore” and knows to use it with me instead of “more”. One step at a time.
I look forward to more articles about the subject. Thanks again for sharing.
@ Tasha wow that little girl is so lucky to be exposed to so many languages! Talking non sense with a French accent is what I do all the time, so I am not worried about that
I also get so confused with the OPOL, I don’t know how people can switch all the time between the 2 languages, I can’t! It helps I think if your partner is fluent in both languages but if he isn’t it becomes so difficult…
@ Valerie bonne chance! that’s great he is getting interested
@Barbara Thank you and exactly! I originally discounted the fact that being a mum involves much more than being a language teacher…
@ Met Mum that’s great that you manage to speak German all the time. You should hear my French… un veritable melange franco-anglais
@ Julia a friend of mine is brazilian and she is also struggling with bilingualism, she is doing good though I think. Anyway you are right it is important that they understand their family to create a bond and just for that reason it has to happen.
@smashedpea thank you for your comment, I left one on your post too, it is a great one!
@Isabelle also thank you for your comment and ravie de faire ta connaissance
@ Tasha wow that little girl is so lucky to be exposed to so many languages! Talking non sense with a French accent is what I do all the time, so I am not worried about that
I also get so confused with the OPOL, I don’t know how people can switch all the time between the 2 languages, I can’t! It helps I think if your partner is fluent in both languages but if he isn’t it becomes so difficult…
@ Valerie bonne chance! that’s great he is getting interested
@Barbara Thank you and exactly! I originally discounted the fact that being a mum involves much more than being a language teacher…
@ Met Mum that’s great that you manage to speak German all the time. You should hear my French… un veritable melange franco-anglais
@ Julia a friend of mine is brazilian and she is also struggling with bilingualism, she is doing good though I think. Anyway you are right it is important that they understand their family to create a bond and just for that reason it has to happen.
@smashedpea thank you for your comment, I left one on your post too, it is a great one!
@Isabelle also thank you for your comment and ravie de faire ta connaissance
Hello honey. Sorry it took me so long to pop over. Right… compared with our problems over here I don’t think you have anythign to worry about. Seriously. I think you’re speaking to E in French just teh right amount and by the sounds of things – he’s also responding in French. Don’t beat yourself up – it’s never as easy as people make out to raise a bilingual child. And living in Engalnd, it’s normal that they migth feel more English. Keep it up Peggy – you’re doing really well (am secretly jealous)!! xxxx
Hello honey. Sorry it took me so long to pop over. Right… compared with our problems over here I don’t think you have anythign to worry about. Seriously. I think you’re speaking to E in French just teh right amount and by the sounds of things – he’s also responding in French. Don’t beat yourself up – it’s never as easy as people make out to raise a bilingual child. And living in Engalnd, it’s normal that they migth feel more English. Keep it up Peggy – you’re doing really well (am secretly jealous)!! xxxx
Can you say more about “In France they have those brilliant summer kids clubs”? My husband is French (his only memories of French camp were when he was 9 or 10 and some other boys took his lunch money – no joke!). We take our bilingual boys (they are 4 and 7) to France every other summer for 6 weeks. This is EXACTLY what I am looking for. To find various camps, what should I Google for in French (colonies de vacances?) Thanks!
Can you say more about “In France they have those brilliant summer kids clubs”? My husband is French (his only memories of French camp were when he was 9 or 10 and some other boys took his lunch money – no joke!). We take our bilingual boys (they are 4 and 7) to France every other summer for 6 weeks. This is EXACTLY what I am looking for. To find various camps, what should I Google for in French (colonies de vacances?) Thanks!