We have a babysitter and she was hired to look after the children (mine and my sister’s) every morning for 2 weeks to free Mum’s and my time in order to declutter the house. As I said before, a house that has seen five generations is full of stuff that really is not needed. That’s was the purpose of such a long stay here.
Unfortunately everything is going pear shape…
M started last Thursday and Elliott was the first one to refuse to go with her. From him it is nothing surprising. Elliott hates new faces and new situations. He panics and gets in floods of tears the minute I disappear. I remember feeling like this when I was young. I remember the ache in my stomach when I was left with someone I didn’t know well. We are very similar the two of us. He even looks after Victor and protects him the same way as I was doing with my sister.
Once in a supermarket, my sister disappeared in the toys aisle and my mum went to another aisle to do her shopping. I was left torn between following my mum and making sure my sister was staying out of trouble. I remember the aching panic and the stress I felt. My mum must have known what she was doing but for some funny reason I felt responsible and in charge, like I always did. I must have been no older than 8 or 9 years old and my sister 4 or 5.
Elliott is like me. It reassures him to know I am with him. If he has me in sight he plays away and abandon himself in the game. If I am not in sight his world crumbles. What is surprising to me is that he started at childminder at 7 months old and from then he has always either gone to Childminder or to school. He knows I always come back!
Today though, his brother joined in the tears and screams when M. arrived. He cried and cried so hard.
My patience disappeared and I have to say I lost it. I shouted at them. Left them full of tears and locked the door behind so they would have to stay there. I was hoping that they would give up and start playing. I thought they would see how much fun everyone is having and they would join in. Twenty minutes later and they were both still screaming… I gave up and went to rescue them. I love them and can’t cope seeing them so distressed.
It obviously didn’t help that M didn’t know how to help and sort of ignored them focussing on the easy children… I can’t blame her, she is young and might not know how to tackle this situation but quite frankly I could have done with her support…
Anyway, they are both here with me, watching TV and feeling reassured that mummy is sitting just behind… If you have any suggestion to fix the situation, please tell me, it is more than welcome…
Eye test
Who's the winner?
En fait j'ai un peu le même problème que toi avec Robin. Il est toujours super inquiet de savoir où je suis et surtout où est sa soeur. Comme dire, il a toujours besoin de faire le “récapitulatif” de gens qui comptent pour lui et de savoir ce qu'elles font. A vrai dire je suis comme ça aussi, le stress monte vite dès que la situation change.
Mais pour le réconforter lorsque je le confie à quelqu'un, je lui explique longuement son planning mais surtout pourquoi il ne sera pas avec moi. Je lui fais répéter plusieurs fois question d'assimilation. Après tout dépend de la personne qui le garde mais s'il se concentre tout de suite sur autre chose il va bien. Alors peut etre que ta nounou devrait les occuper plus rapidement lorsqu'elle arrive ou même les sortir de la maison avec un but précis à la promenade (aller à la boulangerie par ex.). Mais tu ne dois par leur céder, c'est trop simple pour eux, ils savent où ça fait mal. Pas bêtes les mioches
Bises.
Merci poulette,
J'ai fait ce que tu m'as dit aujourd'hui et ca a marche pour a peu pres 1 heure… Galere, je ne peux pas quitter la maison car c'est pour que nous fassions du rangement qu'elle est la et elle ne peut pas vraiment quitter la maison avec tous les mioches… oh well…
Well, I got a bit of the French, but I would say, if you can leave them in front of the TV, knowing that they are close to you, isn't that workable? If you are only trying to get something done without them bothering you too much, anything's feasible. Poor little things.
As for the babysitter, it might even make things worse if she tries too hard. I would ask her to try to engage the boys if they really can't be left watching TV, but she shouldn't try too hard or that'll only make things worse.
Well, I got a bit of the French, but I would say, if you can leave them in front of the TV, knowing that they are close to you, isn't that workable? If you are only trying to get something done without them bothering you too much, anything's feasible. Poor little things.
As for the babysitter, it might even make things worse if she tries too hard. I would ask her to try to engage the boys if they really can't be left watching TV, but she shouldn't try too hard or that'll only make things worse.
Sorry for the late reply and thank you so much for the suggestions. Actually the babysitter has since then been fired because far from trying too hard she wasn't trying at ALL… so now the TV is definitely the new babysitter
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