No really I mean it, this is a myth and sorry if I have destroyed your hopes of running a Multinational while baking pretty cupcakes, sewing bunting flags, attending every school events, looking pretty, manicured, without an inch of cellulite, glamorous, in a perfect amiable mood every-single-minute of the bloody day and a loving mum and wife at all times…
How?! When?! WHY?!
Honestly, why is it so hard for women our days to accept that we simply have to make choices? Why can’t we just be happy with some of it? Why do we need to prove we can do it? Because don’t fool yourself ladies, we are doing it to prove something either to someone, society or ourselves. This or we simply are masochistic freaks who really should be given compulsory therapy as we exit childhood.
Choices… that’s a big word.
We have the choice in every situation we are facing and when something is out of our hands we still have the choice to complain and dwell on it or to accept that it is the way it is and make the best of it. I honestly prefer the latter as you tend to sweat less and keep more energy to deal with things.
For us women, choosing sometime feels like giving up or failing at something we feel we want as much as the rest.
Career vs. Family life, one of the biggest choice we have to make when we become parents. Whether we give up work, choose a different career, opt for flexible hours, work fulltime in the same conditions as before or stop it altogether, the choice is almost inevitable.
No women can anticipate what a little wrinkly face will make you feel like the first time you two meet. Yet you are left having to make one of the biggest choice of your life. This career you have been working on so hard or your baby and family. What if we want both? What if we need both??
I personally NEED both. I need to express myself out of the family and my role as a mother. I am by no mean undermining my role as a mum and it will always remain my priority. That’s what I say all the time, so why am I finding it so hard to slow down professionally? Why do I feel like I am failing and very disappointed with myself if I choose to reduce the stupid amount of things I do every day? Why am I so scared of my personal future if I don’t have a professional career of my own?
My family is my priority yet I feel incomplete if I don’t have something else.
I know I am not on my own and I know there are thousands of other mums out there who feel the same and I am wondering if the reason we are so demanding with ourselves is because we have added pressure on our shoulders with of all the possibilities now offered to us.
I am at a corner.
I have a choice
Keep going and run myself to the ground, be grumpy, tired and unproductive and run the risk to collapse.
OR
Slow down professionally and accept that there are things I simply can’t do (or just not yet anyway) and preserve my physical health, be a better mum and a better wife.
Choice is made.
Thanks Grace, for opening my eyes so widely yesterday. This wonderfully wise woman and coach buddy told me this:
And on this note I encourage you greatly to join Grace on her free Teleseminar on the 14th of September, From Burnout to Brilliant, for Mums juggling business and family. I’ll be there!
Eye test
Big Energy Week
I love this post, it's so uplifting. when I see and hear people suffering with the stress of trying to do it al, to have it all, I do wonder why they want it all. And how in the hell they would find the time to fit it all in if they ever got it all.
What a great way of thinking of it!
I don't think a day goes by where I don't wonder how others “do it all”, when in actual fact, we never do, do we! Or at least not unless we want a breakdown…
Ah, that age old question!
Well you know it is the dilemma under which my blog was born.
I will definitely be giving your lifecoach guru a look. Thanks for the tip.
M2M
Great to hear! Hope you get to look at Grace's website and sign up for the teleseminar. I definitely will
Exactly, I think we are led to do more and prove we can more all the time. This is our fast paced society making us live a life so full, when in fact if we slow down we can appreciate more from life…
I think noone is after wanting to do it all, but more like we feel we are wasting time and potential if we don't try and achieve more constantly. I think I need a trip to your lovely place in the world, it looks amazing, you are one lucky girl
The Having it All thing is a con. It's backfired on us- now we have to do even more work. And if we're not you feel like a failure!
Ah Missy M. YOu are a lady after my own heart. We have indeed shot ourselves in the foot. We don't HAVE it all now, we just DO it all.
M2M
Yep! Totally agree!
You're so right. I find myself madly multi-tasking to fit everything in, and often feel like it leaves me doing an inadequate job in all areas. For example, I finished off a blog post today and my son was pulling at my arm asking me to play with him: rushed blog post and crap mother! I tell myself it will get better in a few years when they're at nursery/school, but I doubt it.
Great post Peggy, and thanks so much for the mention. I'm a big fan of the word 'and', but not of 'all'. One of the problems of wanting it 'all' is you don't feel like you've achieved until there's nothing left to have, whereas in reality you're already achieving so much – give yourself credit!