It’s been difficult to write about this particular challenge. Partly because I have self-censured stories about the boys a lot lately (which is another matter) and also because this is a total roller coaster. One which leads me to the worse extremes and then comes crashing back down to a lovely steady flow, and each time these extremes have been reached that’s when I felt the need to write, but then it’s all good and lovely again.
Anyway I need to talk about it today, even if only to process the situation externally.
V is an adorable little boy. He loves babies, he loves animals, he loves laughing, reading, joking and playing. When he is at his best, he is my pride and joy.
But then things go pear shape for a while. Usually it is a matter of a few days or a couple of weeks at most, but they are the most draining, challenging and exhausting of days. During these days all I am thinking about are ways to tackle the phase, ways to get through to him and to make him go back to the well behaved, funny boy that I love so much.
Right now we are in tantrum phase. When I say tantrums, I mean big, explosive, awfully difficult tantrums. I am the type of mum who has adopted the no-nonsense attitude to education, so a tantrum is generally dealt with ignoring the screaming child, walking away from the mad moment until he comes down and never give in.
Anything can spark a tantrum: a sweet or a toy not allowed, a “no” to something meaningless, anything he is obviously not happy with. He is doing this at pre-school too and they too find it hard to manage.
He is pretty good at keeping his temper to himself but every now and then he will throw something or hit someone. Of course hurting anyone is not tolerated and he knows that. When I observe him, what I see is frustration and not knowing how to deal with it. I am aware of Testosterone rushes, which I think is definitely affecting him.
His school teachers are worried for when he will start school in September. They are not sure he will be ready emotionally.
I, on the other hand think that this is going to be the best move for him. I believe he needs to have proper consequences to realise that there are things that are simply not allowed. I think that he will learn to manage his emotions better because he will have to, but how can I help him in the meantime?
I am totally lost. I am not sure what is the best way to react. I lose patience a lot of the time, then hate myself for it. When he goes to bed all I can do is curl into a ball and let it all go away to be ready for it the following morning. I am on edge all the time and find myself observing him all the time to see if and when he will switch.
I know it will stop again for a while so that helps, but the constant adaptation to his behaviour is becoming hard to cope with.
What are your techniques? What do you do to manage your children behaviour, especially for pre-schooler boys?