I have recently been living with a permanent anxiety. I blame the weather and all that goes with it but I am starting to wonder if it is more than this. Something deeper, that I need to dig out to kick the crap out of it.
I think I have always been some sort of worrier to a certain extent. However this has never stopped me from moving ahead and doing things. But now I worry way to much to be a healthy kind of worry.
I feel like I am walking around with a burden called anxiety. I am dragging it as I move around. I tell it to shut up and it creeps back in.
I have recently faced so many bad news and all related to health or death, young and old, that I am almost waiting for it to happen to us. I see the sinister side to any kind of cold, cough, bumps, lumps or a simple “I am tired”. I cut straight to the “oh my god and what if it was something really bad?!”.
I am freaking daily at the moment and although at first I thought that’s just a phase and I would get over it, I am worried it is not shifting. At days it goes quieter and then suddenly it hits me again. The feeling right in the pit of your stomach that you could never go on if anything was going horribly wrong with my children or husband.
I tried to switch off any source of bad energy. I am avoiding the news and I am trying to focus on happy projects. I don’t see an improvement though.
Is anxiety a form of depression? Do I need to see someone? Can I deal with it on my own?
I know at the moment I am right in the deep of the working mother syndrome who is doing it all on her own. A simple look at the laundry basket and clothes that don’t migrate to the wardrobe unaided and I can burst into a meltdown. That’s not right, right?!
I know I need to readjust, reassess, rethink how I live, but when you are dragging your feet this is just another one of these things that’s added to the list, requiring your attention… Another one…