Warning: long story ahead…

You all want to know how Elliott's first day at preschool went, don't you?

Well how can I blame you. In a post last week I was going on about leaving my baby with strangers who might do things like not wiping the snot off of his nose or forget to change his nappy and it was more than I could cope with.

On another note, yes there was progress on the potty business, but the kid hated being wet so much that he begged for nappies again. But that's another story altogether. One that I might update you on, once I have past the guilt of having one of the only kids STILL in nappies at PRESCHOOL!!

So as you can imagine I anticipated the event with a tight knot in my stomach and everywhere else. I am used to leaving him at places. Well not like that of course. I do not leave him at random places, even if at times I would love to. I still love him too much for that.

What I mean is that I am used to leave him at his childminder, but you see it is entirely different. He started going at Super-nanny's when he was 7 months and he loves her like a member of the family, so it is so easy to turn around and get on with your own things.
I know that there he is cared for, cuddled and given one to one attention. He could keep going there, but recently he has developed separation anxiety like never before, so I thought that now was the time to start introducing him, gently, to a room full of kids, with other adults looking after him. After all it will be far less of a shock when he goes to school if he is already used to this sort of environment. I thought that if we started this young, it wouldn't be too much of a problem if I had to pick him up after an hour at the first sessions.

Also there could be far worse places than preschool. The amount of toys and fun there, makes me suspect that one day he will probably beg me to go and leave him there, oh and without kiss in front of his friends!

So back to our first day. I had a plan: don't think about it, ignore it is coming up and like this you don't worry before the actual day. It worked brilliantly. Burying my head in the sand seemed like a great method for me. Until it all hit me…

We were getting dressed and ready to leave the house and that's when I faced reality "I AM TAKING MY BABY TO PRESCHOOL!! HE WILL CRY AND BEG ME TO STAY! AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO! AND I WILL FEEL GUILTY AND IT WILL HURT AND MAKE ME CRY!!!!"
Note the distress I was going through. Anyway I put on a brave face and kept going happily.
We put music on and danced while brushing our teeth. We chose clothes together. I didn't let him choose mine, because I wanted to look half decent when meeting all the new parents.
We did all this talking about how fun it was going to be at school. We talked about the painting, drawing, counting and all the stuff he will do. By the time we arrived at the door he was over excited and I kept thinking "Wait until you see how much of a back stabber maman is…"

So we got in the queue at the door and waited for our turn.

Then it was our turn to get in. We were showed the way to his chair where I could leave his bag and jumper. I signed the register and exchanged a few words with the teacher. I thought I had to say that sometimes he says "merci" instead of "thank you" so not to be offended and think he is a rude brat because they might not understand what he says.

Then the moment to go arrived. I crouched in front of him and in a very lively and confident voice, I said: "Maman has to go now and you will have tons of fun until I come back" then I stared at his face. I searched for the anxiety lines. I knew they were going to appear. I knew he was going to cry so I was ready to catch him, hold him tight and run away with him!

No? No tears? Really? Not even a flinch! Oh yes a bit of shoulder tension, I see that. Then he says "OK!" kisses me and goes! GOES WITHOUT A TEAR?? Something is weird… I stand up, say bye to the teacher and I leave… I still have my mouth wide open in absolute astonishment.

Then I smile and I laugh. I call Craig and say "WE DID IT!!! He said good bye and didn't cry!!!"

The morning went on and as I browsed the same shops over and over again to stay locally, I suddenly realised that I didn't recharge the bag with wipes! I mean, how bad of a mum do you have to be, to not check his bag properly before his first day!!

I started having cold sweats. I could picture it: my baby in a soiled nappy and nothing to clean his bottom. I could feel the distress. It wasn't long before I received a call from them to tell me he had a dirty nappy but they couldn't find anything. As a result of that he was quite distressed. Thankfully I was only minutes away from the place to drop off the wipes. By the time I got there he had stopped crying and was busy playing again.

I had to find something to say to remove the sticker on my forehead that said "what kind of mum doesn't even check her kid's bag on his FIRST DAY!"?
I had to think quickly… so I blamed Craig… yes I know it is disgusting. He wasn't there so if I was smart enough, I could make it sound like it was his fault. After all I AM a good mummy and I would never forget to check his bag properly on his FIRST DAY, wouldn't I?!
So I said "My husband used the wipes from the bag yesterday evening and obviously didn't replace them… MEN you really can't count on them, can you?" It worked!! She replied "tell me about it".
I know I will burn in hell, but at least no one will judge my abilities as a mum, well at least in these circumstances…

So cut a long story short (even if I failed so far), I picked my big boy up at the end of the session and then there were tears. He was tired following all the fun he had and he was hungry. That's when I regain trust in my abilities as a mum: I had prepared his lunch in advance so he could eat on the way home, so I guess I am not bad.

When we arrived home he said something for the very first time. He said "It is nice to come back" and all I replied was "Oh yes Darling, you will always come back and we will always be here to welcome you back!"

I love this little boy SO much…

Photo Credit Google Images